


Are We There Yet?

by revenblue



Series: [collection] but you keep spinning 'round me just the same (Perryshmirtz) [128]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Established Relationship, Hand Jobs, Heinz is impatient, I didn't wanna have to deal with prep okay, Interspecies Sex, M/M, POV Second Person, Perry is exasperated, Post-Episode: The OWCA Files, Premature Ejaculation, Sex in a Car, Trans Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Trans Male Character, Vaginal Sex, it's a good thing Perry's hoverjet has autopilot, they love each other so much they're just tsundere little shits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:27:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26441191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: He swings his leg over your hips the instant you've put your hoverjet in park, his pants conspicuously missing.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus
Series: [collection] but you keep spinning 'round me just the same (Perryshmirtz) [128]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/746841
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	Are We There Yet?

"Pull over, Perry the Platypus," he mumbles, tugging insistently at your fur, an hour into the drive home. "I need a _break_ , and by break I mean-"

Rolling your eyes, you _do_ , at the first opportunity, thankful there's barely anyone on the road this late at night. Less collateral damage for whatever scheme he's sure to have. Your nemesis may be a Good Guy now, provisionally, but that hasn't stopped him from _plotting_ like the evil scientist he used to be. Or from being your nemesis, for that matter.

He swings his leg over your hips the instant you've put your hoverjet in park, his pants conspicuously missing. Was _that_ what he was doing before? It's a good thing you're used to him, and able to keep your eyes on the road. "You," he finishes, in a low voice that goes straight to your cock.

If you didn't have both him _and_ your seatbelt pinning you down, you'd kiss that smirk right off his idiot face. As it is, you dig your claws into his rump, pulling him flush against you. Is now _really_ the time?

"Come on, you _know_ I get _horny_ when you fight," he says, wriggling against you, demonstrating exactly how slick he is already. Your cock's certainly taken notice, coming out to greet him. "What else am I supposed to do, _not_ think about it? I'm a simple man, I see you move like _that_ , my mind _goes_ places. You're lucky I could wait _this_ long."

_He's_ lucky you like him.

Growling under your breath, you shift him around on top of you, searching for- _There_ it is. You haul him closer yet, your length sliding into him in a single motion, so tight and _hot_ you almost come then and there, throwing your head back with a whine. Exactly what he wanted, from the pleased noise he makes. Not your fault you keep forgetting how warm humans are. At least he's here to remind you, in the best way possible.

He laughs, breathless, his broad hands firm on your shoulders as he rocks against you. " _Eager_ , are you? Don't look at me like that, you _are_ , no matter how much you _glare_ at me. We both know you _want_ this. It's just you and me, who's going to know?"

Of course you're _eager_. You're a simple platypus with simple pleasures, and _you_ saw _him_ fight today too, every movement you know so well from your time thwarting him, as difficult to predict as he is strangely elegant. The difference is, _you_ actually have self-control. Had. Hard to resist an invitation like this, especially when it's been weeks since you had the time for a proper date.

Sure, you see him most days on missions, but those don't count. You can't map out his scars under your paws while he's guarding your back.

That's why you wanted to drive home early. You're not expected back until tomorrow, so you'd thought you could spend the whole night in his bed, taking your time with him, refamiliarising yourself with the shape of his body. Trust him to ruin it by being _impatient_.

Again, he's lucky you like him. As exasperating as he is, and he's _very_ exasperating, you can't imagine a better nemesis, partner, _husband_.

"What are you waiting for? _Thwart_ me, you handsome _platypus_ ," he purrs, one hand moving from your shoulders to rub along your throat, and your shiver isn't just from the cold night air. "I've been very _evil_ , haven't I? _Trapping_ you like this while my _inator_ warms up." He clenches around you with a wink, so you know exactly what he's getting at, and you're done. Finished.

Pumping him full of your cum, you groan breathlessly, resting your forehead on his soft belly. You've _missed_ this. Sliding your paws up under his shirt, filling your lungs with his scent, spending some quality time with your husband.

He squirms on your softening cock, pouting. "Aw, and you didn't even hit my _self-destruct button_."

Did he really think you were going to last long enough for that? You were just as desperate for this as he is, and he's always been your biggest weakness. Of course you weren't going to hold out much longer.

Shoving him off and back into his _own_ seat, you buckle him back in and hit the autopilot, your hoverjet lifting back into the air. His bed is calling you, and not just for sex. In the meantime, you push his legs apart and reach the nearest paw between them for his slick cock, fitting it neatly in your palm.

The noise he makes when you give him a firm squeeze is _gorgeous_ , like the rest of him, arching into you, fingers digging into the seat, desperate and wanting, and you take it all for the encouragement it is. He's _close_. Working him in your paw, you wedge your bill under his arm and lift, pulling it around you with your tail. If he's going to grab onto anything, it's going to be _you_. Not the seat you're already going to need to replace after this.

And he _does_ grab you, sinking his fingernails into your side, his other hand pulling roughly at your fur. Barely even as painful as _thwarting_ him. You like him like this, so far gone he's babbling incoherently, his words swept away into the night, a trembling mess under your paws. _Your_ trembling mess of a nemesis.

Setting your free paw on his knee, you lick a stripe up the inside of his thigh and press your bill to it, his body lighting up before you. The shadows cast by lonely street lights may conceal his scars but they've never hidden _him_ , not from you. Not when you can feel every inch of his form, every spark of his nerves, the beat of his human heart and the twitch of his mechanical fingers, subtle yet obvious from the long hours you've spent studying him.

He shudders all at once, his cock throbbing in your paw as he comes, a surge of electricity jolting through him and tingling against your bill. Gorgeous, that's what he is. You can never get enough of him, of what he's brought to your life, of being the reason he's writhing, gasping, out of his mind with pleasure.

The lights of Danville appear on the horizon and you disengage the autopilot, moving your paws back to the wheel. Paw. You'll already have to replace your hoverjet's seat due to your husband's impatience, out of your own meagre pay no less, you're not ruining the wheel as well. Grimacing at your other paw, covered in his cooling slickness, you wipe it off on his shirt as best you can. _His_ problem now. At least, it _would_ be, if you could actually get it all out of your fur.

On second thought, you curl your tail around the wheel in its place, resting your paw on his thigh instead. This way you can stroke his bare skin with your thumb as he catches his breath. He does better with physical contact after sex, reassurance you're still here, and it's not like you _mind_. Gives you another excuse to put your paws on him, not that you really need one.

"I see you found my _self-destruct button_ after all," he mumbles brightly, draping himself over your shoulders, his hands running through your fur. Back to his normal self: a _pest_. He's lucky you like him. Love him, even. The kiss he's pressing to the side of your head helps.

Regardless, you dig your claws into his leg until he yelps. Does he want you to get you both home safely or not? You don't need any more distractions, especially with his pants still who-knows-where and the scent of his cum thick at the back of your tongue, pulling at the last shreds of your willpower. Enough time for that when you set your hoverjet down on his balcony, away from prying eyes.

He'll thank you later.

For now, he sighs, pointedly, and you don't even need to look to know he's pouting at you. It's not going to work. He may be _cute_ , but right now all you want is to collapse onto his bed. "Curse you, Perry the Platypus," he mutters under his breath, wrapping his hand around your paw so you know he's not _really_ upset. "Happy anniversary. I know it's not the _best_ , but-"

Snorting, you shake your head. You got what you wanted. And, as soon as you get home, you'll be getting the _rest_ of him too. What more could you ask for?

**Author's Note:**

> Took me just over 24 hours to write this, curses. I was hoping to go under, but the ending was fighting me (endings always fight me). So I just made it their anniversary to wrap it up quickly, bc wynaut. XD
> 
> Perryshmirtz server in series description as always. There's a nsfw channel too, 18+ for obvious reasons.


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